May 2010
28 posts
Is anything more demoralizing than trying to sell merchandise on Craigslist and getting no responses? I genuinely pity anyone this may happen to under the “adult services” category.
There’s a new I-Drive water park resort on the side of I4 with the most colorful slides and even a halfpipe that I can’t figure out. It’s a hotel but only costs ten to fifteen dollars to hang out.
I get so excited when I see a water slide, like a pitbull looking at a postman. Imagine how I feel when I see a cluster of shiny new ones. I wish the whole world could be a water...
Games Bros Play
“You just got iced!”
There’s a new social game coming soon to a college town near you. “Icing” is its name, and here are the simple rules:
At any time, if one is presented with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, one must subserviently drop to one knee and chug the bottle. The Smirnoff can be presented personally or passive-aggressively (eg. “Hey, can you look under...
"BP Cares" parody Twitter account →
These parody public relations broadcasts are almost as laughable as the official ones from BP.
If we had a dollar for every complaint about this oil spill, it wouldn’t compare to our current fortune. Oil is a lucrative industry!
The ocean looks just a bit slimmer today. Dressing it in black really did the trick!
We just saw a shark fight an octopus inside the geyser. Almost made...
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Dealing With Suck Merchants
There’s a delicate way to argue with dealership mechanics while they still have your car. They could butcher it or spin a game wheel to decide how many extra hours your wait time will be. Free visits via warranties and service plans are almost worthless because of the hassle.
Last week was another close call when I saved a nice old lady from getting conned out of 100 dollars. Came so...
Shirtless highway driving + full a/c = virtual convertible
“My next baby-daddy is livin’ right next to me, I’ll tell you that...”
– Girl with baby in arms on bus who was clearly unhappy with the public transit commute. (Just like her, last week I remembered after five minutes why riding the bus only seems like an adventure or convenient solution until you get on board.)
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I don’t know how crack smells, but I’m pretty sure it would smell like whatever these guys just lit up on the public bus. Still, better than burned alfredo.
“Life should be lived so vividly and so intensely that thoughts of another life,...”
– Marjory Stoneman Douglas
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We need to put an end to this overused “controlled chaos” idiom. I read an article today written by a library intern on his experience distributing books to prisoners on Rikers Island. The headline promised it would be about “controlled chaos” but the actual account proved the converse— a prison book cart is even more of a boring, streamlined system than ordinary...
While Joey was sitting on a concrete planter in downtown Saturday night, this drunk girl runs up and puts a camera in his face while playfully telling him, “You’re on candid camera!”
Joey, without flinching, said, “No, I’m not,” and reached up with lightning speed to grab hold of her camera faster than she could press the button. Thinking about the...
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