July 2010
30 posts
“That night, I had a dream. I drifted off thinking about happiness, birth and...”
– Raising Arizona
Blase
I don’t care how smart or dumb you are or how smart or dumb I can be Encountering someone who can’t spell ‘specialist’ or can’t click a mouse does not make me feel smarter it makes me feel nothing Percentiles are pointless I’m so burned out on everyone and on myself Just let me drink smoothies and lounge around forever
Just leave me alone and go...
Becoming the crowd →
My first (maybe last) Wikipedia entry, in the False Dilemma article:
Examples in popular culture
One example of false dilemma occurs in the music video “Eenie Meenie” by Sean Kingston and featuring Justin Bieber.[5] In the video, hundreds of fertile young women are seen attending a party in a high-rise condo with few males other than Kingston and Bieber. The female attendees are...
Feels good...
Inbox zero. Work inbox zero. Voicemail zero.
Let the Right One In is being remade? Isn’t that movie only two years old… and perfect as is?
And the title is being changed to something that alters the entire narrative mode. Blockheads.
Free Business Consultation
To the enterprising restaurateur on Forsyth Road:
You convinced the Department of Business & Professional Licenses to grant you a license to operate a restaurant out of an RV that is clearly your domicile.
You convinced a landowner to let you sell food from the same spot every day.
Now, to convince people to buy your food, maybe you should stop washing your laundry in a bucket during...
Since The Dawn Of Recorded Time
From 1200 miles I remotely controlled a computer that was connected to the internet through a tethered cell phone. The users stood on the roof of their truck in the woods at dusk, on the side of the Adirondack Mountains…
And all of it was done to help them get setup in a virtual classroom video conference.
Spaceship Earth did not even predict this.
June 2010
10 posts
“Just avoid holding it in that way.”
– Steve Jobs, in response to widespread claims that reception drops when one’s hand is held on the lower left side of Apple’s newest phone.
12 tags
Today is Day 5 of my chill new job and the return of my chill not-new girlfriend, who has been gone for three days. I’m trying to chill but I am stoked.
May 2010
28 posts
Is anything more demoralizing than trying to sell merchandise on Craigslist and getting no responses? I genuinely pity anyone this may happen to under the “adult services” category.
There’s a new I-Drive water park resort on the side of I4 with the most colorful slides and even a halfpipe that I can’t figure out. It’s a hotel but only costs ten to fifteen dollars to hang out.
I get so excited when I see a water slide, like a pitbull looking at a postman. Imagine how I feel when I see a cluster of shiny new ones. I wish the whole world could be a water...
Games Bros Play
“You just got iced!”
There’s a new social game coming soon to a college town near you. “Icing” is its name, and here are the simple rules:
At any time, if one is presented with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, one must subserviently drop to one knee and chug the bottle. The Smirnoff can be presented personally or passive-aggressively (eg. “Hey, can you look under...
"BP Cares" parody Twitter account →
These parody public relations broadcasts are almost as laughable as the official ones from BP.
If we had a dollar for every complaint about this oil spill, it wouldn’t compare to our current fortune. Oil is a lucrative industry!
The ocean looks just a bit slimmer today. Dressing it in black really did the trick!
We just saw a shark fight an octopus inside the geyser. Almost made...
Dealing With Suck Merchants
There’s a delicate way to argue with dealership mechanics while they still have your car. They could butcher it or spin a game wheel to decide how many extra hours your wait time will be. Free visits via warranties and service plans are almost worthless because of the hassle.
Last week was another close call when I saved a nice old lady from getting conned out of 100 dollars. Came so...
Shirtless highway driving + full a/c = virtual convertible
“My next baby-daddy is livin’ right next to me, I’ll tell you that...”
– Girl with baby in arms on bus who was clearly unhappy with the public transit commute. (Just like her, last week I remembered after five minutes why riding the bus only seems like an adventure or convenient solution until you get on board.)