get phree!

Also, I Own The Sun

“Can you come in right now?  Shannon wants you on the show today.”

I expected this wakeup call.  It was the last thought I had before falling asleep at my sunrise bedtime two hours prior.  

At a Downtown club the night before, I crossed paths and was introduced to the producer of The Shannon Burke Show, a powerhouse radio show whose namesake personality was a scarily strong-willed biker guy. 

Through mutual friends, the producer had learned of a stunt I pulled and he told me I may be requested to come into the studio.  ”Should we schedule this to happen next week?” I hopefully asked, knowing this pre-noon time slot would required some sleep shifting.

“That’s not how radio works, man.  There’s urgency.  When I tell Shannon your story, he’ll make a decision on the spot.”

//

To me, the story was already two years and four months from timely.

In June of 2003, I took ownership of the Sun.  The central body of our solar system.  Our lifesource.  Such a crucial object— and it was legally mine via the United Nations.

I was inspired by a man I discovered had done the same, three decades before, with the Moon. A few hours of late night research yielded the legal instruments I needed to replicate such a claim.  I shared all my findings with a science-obsessed friend and asked him which cosmic body would make the proudest possession.

“Dude, THE SUN!” he answered, instantly.

It seems ridiculous to overlook such an obvious answer; but my frame of mind was on planets and inconsequential stars and satellites throughout the Universe.  His simple yet genius collaboration warranted fifty percent ownership and we co-signed the claim letter I drafted.

“Don’t you dare send that letter in this time of war!” his mother commanded.  I suppose her fanatic opposition took its toll because only a couple years later he wanted nothing to do with all of this.  He thinks of it as a counter-establishment act (for entertainment, even I’ve spun it as exploitative of loopholes in UN treaties).  This is rule of law, however; a piggyback on the establishment’s own covenants.  After all, the claim graciously afforded them the onus to dispute.

We mailed the certified letter to UN headquarters and waited for a refutation.  It never came.

//

(story continued soon)