My name is Anthony. This is the dead end on the internet where I sometimes drive to dump old couches and other stuff.
getphree [at] gmail [dot] com
Also, I Own The Sun
“Can you come in right now? Shannon wants you on the show today.”
I expected this wakeup call. It was the last thought I had before falling asleep at my sunrise bedtime two hours prior.
At a Downtown club the night before, I crossed paths and was introduced to the producer of The Shannon Burke Show, a powerhouse radio show whose namesake personality was a scarily strong-willed biker guy.
Through mutual friends, the producer had learned of a stunt I pulled and he told me I may be requested to come into the studio. ”Should we schedule this to happen next week?” I hopefully asked, knowing this pre-noon time slot would required some sleep shifting.
“That’s not how radio works, man. There’s urgency. When I tell Shannon your story, he’ll make a decision on the spot.”
To me, the story was already two years and four months from timely.
In June of 2003, I took ownership of the Sun. The central body of our solar system. Our lifesource. Such a crucial object— and it was legally mine via the United Nations.
I was inspired by a man I discovered had done the same, three decades before, with the Moon. A few hours of late night research yielded the legal instruments I needed to replicate such a claim. I shared all my findings with a science-obsessed friend and asked him which cosmic body would make the proudest possession.
“Dude, THE SUN!” he answered, instantly.
It seems ridiculous to overlook such an obvious answer; but my frame of mind was on planets and inconsequential stars and satellites throughout the Universe. His simple yet genius collaboration warranted fifty percent ownership and we co-signed the claim letter I drafted.
“Don’t you dare send that letter in this time of war!” his mother commanded. I suppose her fanatic opposition took its toll because only a couple years later he wanted nothing to do with all of this. He thinks of it as a counter-establishment act (for entertainment, even I’ve spun it as exploitative of loopholes in UN treaties). This is rule of law, however; a piggyback on the establishment’s own covenants. After all, the claim graciously afforded them the onus to dispute.
We mailed the certified letter to UN headquarters and waited for a refutation. It never came.
(story continued soon)